I'm back in Ohio after a brief yet wonderful visit to California for the memorial service and as of now I'm not sure what the plan is. Still looking to God for that.
In the meantime, I quickly cut together a few clips I shot on my iPhone at a line dancing bar called The Thirsty Cowboy (not to be confused with The Thirsty Pony - a family restaurant/indoor water park/laser tag arena/etc.). I went there with my cousins and a few friends when Cody and I first got here. While we didn't really dance much (ok not at all), this guy in the video did enough dancing (and maybe more) to make up for it.
It's been a few weeks since I've posted anything here, largely due to
my aunt's passing and the aftermath. Overall my family is doing well.
There have been two services to honor her memory, one in Ohio and
another in California, and I've been fortunate to have been able to
attend both. They were a mixture of emotions, most of which I have yet
to figure out.
I
wasn't sure how to come back to this blog. Despite everything, I'm
doing quite well. There is this strange sense that my being happy is
somehow wrong. I should be mourning. I should be sad. And I am. But
I'm also able to laugh and enjoy life just as much as before. This
being the first death of someone close to me that I have experienced,
I'm not sure how to deal with the feelings of guilt that are brought
upon by those moments when I'm not dwelling on her death, but enjoying the present.
I can't really put it into words. Maybe I'll figure that out at some point and post those words here.
However, I wanted to keep this blog going. So much of what this
blog is was shaped around me being here and spending time with my Aunt.
Now that she is gone, I feel that it will take on a new form while
keeping the same purpose. I guess what I mean to say is that I'm going
to keep writing but it won't all be about how I'm dealing with my aunt's
passing. Some of it will, but most of it will just continue to reveal
more about my time here in Ohio.
We're going to miss her greatly but are glad that she is no longer in pain. Most importantly, we consider it a true blessing and honor for her that God waited to take her on the same day that He conquered death.
She ran the race well and we all look forward to seeing her again soon.
Yesterday was filled with many special moments between family that I will never forget and bring me to tears just thinking about. We all appreciate your prayers more than anything. God has really looked out for our family throughout these past few months and we are all giving Him glory for His sovereignty even as we begin to mourn and remember Robyn.
My uncle's construction company has been doing a lot of work for a pretty famous theme park out here. This year said theme park (remaining nameless at the moment) has a new attraction. DINOSAURS! REAL ONES!
Actually they're not real but they're huge and pretty cool. I tried taking some video to post here on the blog but I got a stern talking to when the head landscaper saw what I was doing. (He took my name and everything!)
So unfortunately I can't put the video up here but I will make sure to take my camera with me when the park opens in May. It'll look much better then anyways.
because I got a stern talking to after I tried to take some video)
After being in and out of the hospital my Aunt Robyn is finally back home for what will hopefully be a while. I say that because my hope is that she will get better without the need to go back to the hospital, but who knows.
Right now she is in hospice care. The ladies that take care of her are at the house 24/7 and their main goal is to make her comfortable. The doctors are telling us there is nothing they can do for her. So in light of that bit of information (I for one think they're full of crap), hospice is the next best thing.
It's hard to tell if she is getting better or not. She is always in a sort of half-asleep state and doesn't quite know what's going on; most likely due to the pain she is in and the pain meds she takes for it.
My uncle has her taking some natural supplements which at this point is better than nothing. It's hard to tell if they are working at all since she hasn't been on them long. I guess we'll see as time goes on. When my mom had cancer she also used natural means to help regain her strength from the chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Even still, I'm been a skeptic when it comes to lotions, potions, and thigh creams that are supposed to "do it all." The stuff my aunt is taking is from Alaska (these kinda things always seem to come from some backwoods hermit) and have a very recovering rate for people fighting cancer. It all sounds good but you'll have to forgive me for being hesitant about jumping on board. It's not like the supplements will have any negative effects, but they're called elixirs for a reason. At the end of the day though, my uncle is sold on them and he believes that if God is going to heal her, this is how He's gonna do it.
I've pretty much settled in up here in Ohio. Things that bothered me at first don't have much sway anymore. I'm looking forward to coming home and have been missing my friends, my church, and just L.A. in general, but I'm comfortable at the moment and writing more than I have in a while which is cool. Anyway, I'll wrap things up with a song I've been listening to a lot lately. It's taken a year of owning this album and not really listening to it then rediscovering it by accident to finally make a connection. I love when that happens. It's about as hipster as I get.
