I've been getting lazy. Mass Effect 3 has been in control of my life for the last few weeks and as a side effect I have not written as much in this blog as I intended to. So, no more laziness. Back to Wakeman.
That's the question isn't it? Or rather, will I be going back to Wakeman? In a couple weeks I'll be on a plane or two and headed to California for both Chad and Josh's graduations. When I first decided to to come out here, as I'm sure I've already told you, my intentions were to only stay until the end of May. But just like it's old self, life has gone crazy and presented even more possible choices.
If you haven't heard of Mass Effect 3 then here, let me Google that for you. The name of the Mass Effect series is choice - shaping the world (or galaxy) around you by making tough decisions, regretting past mistakes, and constantly wondering "what if?" Having invested a lot of time into these games my awareness of how each and every choice we make affects our lives as heightened to say the least. The choice before me is to stay or go.
There a pros and cons on either side. One very persuasive argument for staying is the possibility to make a lot of money. GREEEED!! Just kidding. But seriously, the opportunity to make a nice chunk of change is there. All I have to do to get it, is stay for another 3 to 6 months.
Wait, what? Wow.
Ya, that's a long time. Much longer than I had intended on staying.
So let's lay this out-
I want to make movies, but there's not much chance of that happening here in Ohio. There is however an opportunity to really get a jump on my student loans that I would not have otherwise.
I'll be honest, when I presented this predicament to friends and family, I was expecting to hear two different views.
1. You need the money. Stay in Ohio and give yourself a chance to hack away at that dragon of a student debt (The Dragon's name is Sallie Mae in case you were wondering).
2. Follow your dreams! Don't do it for the money. Get out there and give it the good ol' college try!
Sadly, I have not yet heard anyone make the second argument. I find this strange since I was raised with that outlook. "You can do whatever you want in life!" "Never give up on your dreams!" "Don't settle for anything!"
I'll be honest with you, staying for 3-6 months feels a lot like settling for something other than what I've been striving for. Then again, I think the biggest concern I have (I worry like crazy about this) is what will happen if I stay here? Will I even be able to find a way back into the film industry? Will all the contacts I've made over the last year even remember my name? I've got nothing against staying here and doing construction work. It's hard, honest work and the guys I work with are good people. But I just can't seem to shake the feeling that this decision is a big one, one that will really effect things down the road.
So let's get to the point. I'm not gonna worry about what might happen, like this guy.
I'm gonna stay on target.
Not necessarily on my career as a filmmaker but on what God has for me right now.
Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough trouble of its own. And with as much as I worry about my future as a filmmaker, hearing those words and believing that God knows what He's doing is huge relief, whether I'm here in Ohio for another 6 months or another year. Although I am honestly very hesitant to trust for fear that His plans might not have me making movies like I want, trusting that He'll be good to me wherever I end up definitely takes the edge off tough decisions like the one I'm making.
So finally, after all that, here's what I've decided.
If the job happens (the big one that pays lots of money) then I will be staying. If the job does not happen, then I will be going back to California.
With that I leave you with this.
BTWs
I'd love to hear your thoughts on all this so feel free to comment here, Facebook, or Twitter.
